Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
