Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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