I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
