I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
