i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
