I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
