I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
