They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
