just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
