Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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