He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
