Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
