the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
