you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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