so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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