I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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