he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
whose parrot is this?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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