Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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