Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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