I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You are the jesus of drinking
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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