if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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