I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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