Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
