i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I would ride that face into the sunset
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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