Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
