we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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