unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
