he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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