Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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