I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
COCAINE IS GR8
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
