sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
