I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
