i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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