i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
