Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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