you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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