she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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