she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
