So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
