I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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