One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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