Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
