My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
