Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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