I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
