dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
