I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
