I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
