i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
