erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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