Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
